on starting law school, son

i'm settling in for the long haul once again
and that faint and oh so smug feeling that i've
"earned what i've learned"
has dissipated with the churning and turning
of my stomach
when getting broad-sided by that painfully obvious realization
that I ain't learned shit

no, son, your father is a nobody
in a long and illustrious history of nobodys
that we have gussied up by naming
"Mankind"

if you do ever Know something for sure
Know this.

We are nobody one second
and somebody the next
but just as swift as one loses virginity
(and almost as ingloriously i might add)
we die.
some sooner.
some later.
but none ever outrun the calculating scythe of that unknown finale.

so go, son, when its your turn,
and find a meaning
a love
a passion
something, anything
that will give you the reason to continue on your journey towards nothingness
find your God.
find your Self
find a small baby boy of your seed that will let you know that being nobody
is more then ok
as long as your somebody
to someone
for at least some time.

If ever....

I spent four hours studying one case. And I've yet to actually brief it or even completely understand the arguments being presented/analyzed. I mean, I get it, but if I was under the gun and the proff. was grilling me.... I'd waffle like a Frenchie at war.

Don't get me wrong, its nice to get down to the nitty gritty of this whole idea of a "legal education" (one which I've come to liken to playing American Gladiators) but it also makes me wonder if I can pull through and finish. Yes, its early, and yes, I've a long way to go. But you have to wonder sometimes....

I find myself missing my son more then I think I can bear. I carry his picture with me and even though it makes me keep my head up and keep one foot in front of the other, it gets me really sad to know he wakes up in the morning and doesn't see me. Perhaps he doesn't even remember me for all intents and purposes.

And again, I wonder if this "legal education" is worth that sacrifice. Because that goes beyond profession or education or dreams and goals... thats my son. My seed. My duty on this earth is to provide for him, not just financially, but spiritually and emotionally. Something I never really got. And here I am, selfish little me, working on promulgating my self interest and making my mark on this world (to state is as naively as possible)

I don't really care about Torts when I think about it like that. Nor property. Or a JD in general. I just miss him. But for now I'll head back to Hammontree v. Jenner and give it another go. I suppose the day I don't miss him as much as I do now will be the day I should really worry.

For the time being, I'm in this for the long haul...

Until Then...

1st Day as a 1L

Today constituted the beginning of my legal education and it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be. Ok, it WAS just orientation and I'm sure they don't want to scare you off on the first day, but there were a few things that I'm glad I found out before the ACTUAL first day which is Monday.

1. Law Proffs. are human. At least the ones I met today were. They may hide the evil ones in the back until you're locked into your loans and then they let them run amuck. But the ones I met today were affable and surprisingly realistic about the law profession in general. I mean realistic in the sense that the acknowledged all the bad things people have to say about lawyers, at the same time making a distinction between good lawyers and ones that give "us" a bad name.(And I use "us" in the broadest of terms)
2. I'm not way out of my league. All this summer I had this feeling of impending doom and a "last man walking" mentality. The self-doubt and waiting combo were just too much. However, sitting in class today during a few lectures and then a workshop on how to brief a case I couldn't help but step back and think "this isn't horribly horrible". Its going to be a whole lot of work and it will mos def get harder, but I'm not completely clueless. Some of the kids in class were way more lost at sea then I think I could ever be. We'll see how this holds up. :)
3. There is no three, I just don't think a two item list is very good at all. I'm not even sure if that would be considered a list.
   

I went and got half my books today. It weighted down my back, but sure did lighten up my wallet. I think total its going to run like a grand for ONE SEMESTER. Suckage. Majorly so.

All in all I'm excited, so much so that I decided to chronicle this experience online because its just THAT damn important. Matt Drudge eat your heart out.


Until then...